ME TOO I WAN BETTER THINGS FOR ALJANAH!

It’s another Friday and the muezzin is getting ready to summon the Faithful for yet another JUMAT service. Are you ready to be at the central mosque to witness happenings there today?

Yes, sir. We are quite willing to be part of the ‘show’.

Which show? Can’t you be serious for a moment? Do you call the act of doing ABLUTION and KNOCKING our forehead against the concrete floor SHOW? You must be kidding.

No, not like that. What I’m saying is that we love the devotion and obedience to religious tenets by our Muslim brothers and sisters. They do everything they do with love and hope for salvation and eternal life in ALJANAH.

Good one. But let me ask you this. What do you like or dislike about Islam?

Trust me, I like the freedom to marry as many wives as I wish. With many women in the harem waiting for me every night I need not worry about scarcity of boobers and bloomers in the household…

This is funny to me. You mean all you care for is bedtime dinner with funky, kinky glasses of BLUE wine? Look here, you can’t be too much indulged in consuming BLUE WINE and eating human SUSHIE here on earth when you already have a guaranty of dozens of virgins hereafter.

No, virgins for where? That is Impossican’t. That is exclusively for the holy warriors who die in battle.

Which battle? I hope you are not straying into a dangerous terrain full of mined fields. You don’t have to get entangled and blown apart just because you are in dare need of better life with sexy ‘virgin’ women whose faces you may not even see behind the curtains when normal beings are won’t to cast away all inhibitions as they embark on the long but short journey to the place code named CLOUD NINE.

By the way, why is it called Cloud 9?

Because that’s the meeting point, a sort of rendezvous for 6 and 9.

You mean a hangout for 15 people? So, why is it not simply called Cloud 15?

Maawo e, look at you! Do simple arithmetic plus some kindergarten logic. If one is ALONE and two is COMPANY, what will 15 be doing in a candle lit enclosure? No be “organically orgistic” COMMOTION be that?

Na you talk am. Na you dey titrate with figures in your philosophy-cum-chemistry lab. Wetin concern me? When you are ready, you’ll untie the knotty knots in your parabular perambulations!

Goodness me! Why now?

Why not? Just to let you know that no be you alone fit flog people with “dogo turenci”. Now, pls, come down to my level and tell me exactly why 15 people cannot gyrate together on their body axis inside Cloud 9.

Please understand that in Cloud 9 mathematics six and nine don’t add up to 15 but 2.

Chai! Kai! Wayo Allah! This na 419! 419 mathematics, pure and simple.

You haven’t seen or heard anything yet. Ask the French, perhaps the most socially open society in the world, about the mathematical metamorphosis of 6 and 9 and their answer will not only shock the puritans but also force both pastors and imams to carry placards in protest…

Over what?

Over the fact as propagated by the French that when 6 and 9 merge together the result is always 1 and not 15!

Lobatan! What’s going on? Not even 2 again but ONE! 6 and 9 becoming ONE? That’s Celestial mathematics. How do you come about that?

Don’t ask me. Ask those behind the curtains here on earth or in aljanah where women are two for a dollar for the HOLY warriors.

Me too I wan DIE to ENJOY. Abi who no like better things for ALJANAH? But come to think of it. How about that for escapism?

Escape what!! Na you sabi. If you die, “agunla”. If you no die, “aguntete”. Na your own wahala be that if you must to die to marry virgins!