TELL Magazine

Who be that?

Na me o, Baba Okondo

Baba ki lope? What or whose baba is that?

Baba Okondo.

Oko …whaat?! From where?

Ah! Abi you don forget me? So soon? You don’t know me at all? Chai! Chai! Chai! Osanobua!

Sorry if I can’t remember things like I used to. I hope you too are not suffering occasional fits of memory loss? I asked you where you come from almost an hour or two ago and you have not responded to that. Have you?

Ah! You just asked me now!

Sure? Seems like a long time ago.

What’s really going on?

That’s exactly what I’m trying to find out from you.

Well, don’t mind me. Your question be say where I come from? Ehen en, na Ondo now.

Ondo ke? You must be kidding me! Are you no longer from Agbor or is it Isele Uku abi Ugwashi Ule?

UgWashi Ule ko, Ugwashi Uiesha ni. Abi Ug-Washington? Even sef e fit be Ug-…

Wait a minute. Enough of this your Ugu Ugu thing as if you they smell or wan chop pepper soup. Or could you be mixing me up with my Delta friend who hails from Ugwashi Uku. Abi?

Sorry, I mean Arochukwu for Igboland,

When did you leave this our Obodo Naija that you can’t recognise me again, me, your friend and next-door neighbor?

Where is the door? The door a little to the right or the one a little to the left? Which is which?

The one in the middle ni. Yeye man! Why are you doing ‘’kantan kantan” like this, my friend? What has really happened to your “medula opologanta” or wetin dem they call am sef?

Eh, “emi na ko”, no be me, na my “kadara”. Destiny. My friend, make you no sex at all at all if I can’t remember well well like before before, if I can’t see you, can’t hear you, can’t walk or remember even my own name, no be me, na my destiny wallahi tallahi!

Hmmm,,, so na destiny wey don’t remove ‘VEX’ from your vocabulary? Ha, na wah o! Which kind destiny be that? How old are you “paapa” (really) that you dey chopulate “aran” like Baba Arugbo? E be say the thing catch you “well well for blokos”. See how you dey look like Lukman and skeletal like Methuselah sef!

It’s not a matter of age, Baba Okondom or what do you say your name is. Life is not a straight road. It may be smooth for some, bumpy for others and wokedly crooked for the unlucky ones like poor me. It’s never a jolly ride. Curves and bends may force us into a change of trajectory. Well, Destination may change, but Destiny can never change or be changed. It’s engraved on our DNA.

Na grammar be that…. My friend, hold on a bit, when did you become a philosopher?

Philosopher ko, philosolorin ni. Look at you! Maawo e. You seem not to know what’s going on.

What the heck is going on? What are you really talking about? Just running riot with your “unu” (Igbo for mouth).

You really don’t know. You don’t know nothing. It’s nothing that knows you. What a bloody pity! O ma kuku se o! You be MJC.

Wetin be that?

Mumu Just Come.

Whether na me be mumu or you be suegbe, original mumu, na inside am you dey.

Na you sabi.

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