Each time a man admits knowing his married friends cheat persistently on their wives, it makes me feel bad. It is not a new phenomenon for men to cheat on their wives, but it seems to me that everyone is dong it. Actively.
Nigeria is a cultural and religious society where marriage is meant to last a lifetime and where women are not supposed to be vocal when their men cheat. But, Nigerian men are the most undisciplined men on the planet; they lack a defining consciousness of appropriateness. Every woman is the same and every girl can be bought over by a N300 meal of pounded yam and ogbono soup or the popular restaurant equivalent. It is pathetic.
Arguably, worldwide, there is a shortage of good men with moral values. Wearing a wedding band is not a deterrent for some women either who are used to the culture of ‘anything goes’. To these women, a man is more attractive with his wedding band. Unavailability is sexy.
But why do men cheat on their wives? Or should the question be why do women allow their husbands to cheat on them? The first answer is that they can get away with it. Also, people cheat in a relationship primarily because they are no longer happy or they are bored.
In today’s Nigeria, most people have two or more mobiles. It is quite easy to maintain a parallel relationship. A woman in Atlanta was caught sexting another man hidden under the name ‘Nancy’ in her phone. A trick many Nigerian men play, they may pretend the side chick is their manager at work, their friend’s sister or their long lost relative.
In England, for immigration purposes, Nigerian men have been known to marry Asian or Caucasian women. In the process of time, their Oyinbo wife helps them to bring into the country, the sister, which is conveniently, the husband’s wife in Nigeria. As unbelievable as that sounds, Nigerian men in England get away with sleeping with two women under the same roof. I know! That can only happen in England right?
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The reason why married men cheat is as old as the universe or nearly so. Nigerian men will tell you that they cannot eat ‘rice’ every night, they need ‘jollof rice’, ‘fried rice’, ‘moin moin and ‘cat fish’ altogether, each ‘meal’ a euphemism for women varieties. The cheap availability of girl friends make it easy for men to find women who are unconventional and who would satisfy their sexual desires what ever that may be. Some men would love to have kinky sex, which they are unable to ask their spouses for.
The Canadian capital, Ottawa, is now known as the capital of infidelity as Canadian National Post reports that Ottawa has 189,810 Ashley Madison accounts. The city has a population of 883,000. Ashley Madison is the dating site for married people who want to cheat on their spouses. The tag line says it all: ‘Life is short. Have an affair’. The dating site, which boasts of 37 million members worldwide, was founded in Ontario in 2001 primarily to help women who wanted to cheat with their spouses to cheat.
Technology has also made it easy for men to find women on social media networks like Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin. On Ashley Madison, women register for free but men have to pay a premium to register. Research on infidelity shows having a social network of friends who condone cheating as well as having alternatives are linked with increased infidelity. With apps like Instagram and WhatsApp, it is increasingly possible to reach a wide public and the opportunity to cheat increases.
Men cheat because after childbirth, some women stop appealing to their husbands. They become roundly and obese. They stop smelling nice and they allow their nails to become claws. As men are moved by what they see, on sighting a woman who cares about their appearance a little more than their wives, they become drift.
Men cheat on their wives also because for some men they have no sex life with their spouses. Working long hours at work, the daily commute to and from work, the stress of making a living makes it hard for couples to find time to rekindle their romance, hence it slowly dies out and without warning or much of a fuss, the man will find a side kick.
Some women find it easy to go weeks without sex, but unfortunately, many men are not disciplined enough to say no to cheap sex when it comes calling. Some married women actually have cobwebs in their vaginas simply because they have not had sex for years with their husbands. Vaginal cobwebs are also seen in relationships where the wife is overseas and staying faithful for the man who is resident in Nigeria. Many of these men lie to women that they are divorced or separated from their wives.
These days, the reality is that the wedding band does not deter women from married men as long as the man is useful to her in a way or two. There are millions of girls in ‘chewing gum’ relationships up and down Nigeria whose main source of income comes from the married man they are ‘servicing’ secretly or openly.
Men cheat for many reasons. With a little power, a super-inflated ego, married men have the basics to pursue any woman they want: single or married. Conversely, some married couples operate an open marriage whereby both parties cheat. It is best when the woman cheats to be discreet though.
Culturally, a cheating woman is not the best for in-laws and for other associated reasons. But women do cheat and they cheat for silly reasons. A woman cheats basically because she cannot connect emotionally with her husband. So one day whilst confiding with her boss, one thing leads to the other and a pattern of cheating begins. Women also tend to cheat if they cannot get enough sex from their partners. It is a fact that women have a right to enjoy sex too.
Women cheat over time if they find out that their husband has a small manhood or he suffers from a low sperm count. Women cheat on their men also for power reasons. For example, some women are attracted to power, so they find themselves in illicit relationships with a politician they admire or a man who has more clout or money than their partners.
Cheating has a price and it is not exactly free. It causes heartaches and many times, adultery is the reason for increased rate in divorce. Other than the heartbreak that is associated with divorce, infidelity also almost ends with a spike in sexually transmitted diseases. Men and women cheat because sex is easy to get and many people engage in it because they have nothing else to do.
Men and women cheat because sex is easy to get and many people engage in it because they have nothing else to do
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